In hope, you find strength..

It's not everyday that you feel the Strength but I think it is a crucial element in living life to the fullest. And today.. I feel especially strong about this trait.

You see, I have an aunt who I dearly hold close to my heart. She must be near 70 years old, with her back straight as the wall, not a hunch in sight. She lives well, is a devoted vegetarian, loves life, tells great stories, and feisty in her protective nature as a mother to her cubs, literally. She's the epitome of Strength in women of the older (and even younger) generations.

There's only one thing; her cancer cells have spread uncontrollably.

Doc said that if they don't do something soon, she may have only 6 - 7 months to live. Ironically, he also added there's nothing more that they can do..

I'm currently 6,066 miles away from where home is, and I cannot even begin to tell you how useless I feel. I assume my family back home feels ten times worse.

But life has its special way to convince you to keep believing. One phone call, a single text message, a one-line email.. all bringing this one thing we need; Hope. When the whole family comes together, spreading love and hope, there's really nowhere else you can turn to except believing in your strength. Instead of wallowing in sadness and tears, everyone stood up firmly as though declaring trusts in their own strength. The strength to believe, and the strength to bring hope to my aunt.

It's definitely not easy; but once you find hope, everything will just come naturally.

I might as well add that today is coincidentally hubz and my third wedding anniversary. And oh yes, we will celebrate. We celebrate not only because it's a happy occasion, but also to give thanks that we still have each other to love and to believe in.

I had initially wanted to write a post about love to mark the date, but now I think this is an even better post to show people love.

Smoked ham

No, I did not discover a new recipe to impress guests from Provence.

And yes, I admit that I burnt something in the microwave yesterday, in which case means, the smoked ham was me. Guilty as charged.

Well, I could have kept quiet, you know. Pretend it never happened and jump back on to fool you guys into thinking I absolutely was triumphant in my third soufflé attempt. Or, or, grace this spot with details of my date at the outdoor movie theatre at Ekeberg just so I can skip this burning issue altogether.

But I wouldn't. Well... couldn't, considering the stench that came from it may have traveled to you in a matter of seconds. Also, judging from the interior of the microwave that has turned a smoky yellow, I think it's a safe bet to say that was a pretty bad case. I'm just glad that it didn't burst in flames and make my husband a sudden widower. I shudder at the thought of it.

In my defense, I did everything according to instructions. The package offered two alternatives; steam or microwave. Needless to say, I wasn't in the right mind to choose a 20 minutes steaming option over a 2-and a half minutes in the microwave. Why did I even bother to save myself 17-and a half minutes? Why?

Don't get me wrong. I still love my microwave and think that it's the lazy-person's best friend ever. But I need to learn that not everything can go in frozen and come out a piping hot, incredible dish. Those days were over for me. Guess I'll fire up my kitchen more often from now on (pun totally not intended). 

I want to be a good housewife that rules the kitchen, not burn it down.. I know you do too ;)

So, keep safe, ya'll. The Missy prays.

Grey territory

It's exactly 3 months ago that I set foot in Oslo. Not for the first time ever, but the first step to making it my home.

Having people; family, friends and strangers, asking me how I feel about Norway has got to be my most frequent dilemma. "Cold" is usually my single-word answer. Neat and straight to the point.

But I don't think that's what they were after. Frankly, I don't know what the answer should be. Just maybe something more than a "cold", I guess.

For the past few months, I've been struggling to find the answer that I seek. And as all pondering does to me, I find myself back on that emotional roller-coaster ride through that sky high snow-covered peak to pitch darkness deep under the sea. I worried and I doubted; but at the same time, I see a glimmer of hope and future. And when I snap out of it, I almost always find myself in this grey territory that I call reality. 

Why must it be a definite Love or Hate answer, I queried inside. Sometimes, there's just no answer. I would lift my chest to show you my heart, but I couldn't. And even if I can, there won't be a "Y" or "N" embedded on it, this I know for sure.

Oslo.. Norway.. I haven't known you all that well; and I still get lost on your sculpture-filled parks, but I want to know you. I want to love you like I did Melbourne. I want to start making memories that says us. Most of all, I want you to feel the same way for me..

It's still grey to me, but at least it's beautiful..

I was your darl..

When he asked, "Why didn't you wait?", all her heart answered was, "Why didn't you chase?" But it doesn't matter anymore, does it? This chasing-and-waiting game people played since Grade 8, and still do, for some lost souls out there. 

A beep from the cell sent her heart a flutter, and when she saw his name on the screen, she thought she may have just died. But that can't be right. He was so cold, aloof even, just three days ago. She thought she did, or said, something wrong. Her swollen eyes and sunken cheeks could attest to her agony. But this was really him calling..

She smiled anxiously to herself and laughed a nervous laugh. She wanted to answer the phone; she couldn't wait to. But each time she reached out, the phone seemed farther away. The ringing was getting dimmer and sounded more distant than ever, ripping her patience to a million pieces. Tears pooled in her eyes as she burnt through the darkness in search of the faint ringing of her cell. She wanted to pick up her phone, wanted to hear his voice, wanted to know what he had to say to her.., wanted to know if he'd missed her.

"Daddy!" a voice shouted, followed by the banging of door.

His eyes fluttered open and squinted against the afternoon light. He remembered it was a Sunday, a bright, lazy Sunday. He had fallen asleep on the couch while reading his newspapers; his half-eaten panini cold on the side table.

Quick footsteps ran through the hallway, he can hear that. He remembered his son, Ben, and the girl he loved the most once upon a time.

"I've missed you," he said as little Ben jumped onto his lap. "And I've missed you too," he whispered into the still July air. 

To love and to like..

I was determined to learn something new each day. And yesterday gave me exactly that chance.

So, you see, I was idling away like I always do; flipping from a TV channel to another, reading a magazine cramped with Norwegian stories or joining the thousands others online in a world of differences. But there's this particular saying that stuck with me for the rest of the day..

The difference between like and love, is that you can like a lot of people, but only love that one special person..

What do you think about that? Do you agree? Or do you, like I do, disagree from the core of my very being?

Let's just say it is not-very-true instead of total crap for karma purposes.. but I believe the person who came up with that saying perhaps never before experienced love in its grand, magnificent way.

For one, associating love with only the people whom you have affection for is shallow. Second, even with human beings, I trust there are more than one person in your life that you can feel love for; deep and true love at that.

I do not mean to sound promiscuous, hell no! I do believe in commitment and Taiwanese/ Korean drama series, but what I want to show here, I suppose, is the love that make up life.

To me, love is a cup of hot coffee while it gently snows outside your window.

Love is Mum and Dad saying "I miss you.."

Love is the knot in your heart as a soft, furry paw lies on your lap and hot saliva runs down your leg.

Love is when hundreds.. well okay, 42 friends hugging you goodbye as you prepare to leave town.  

Love is if the sun comes out even when the forecast predicted clouds.

Love is baby blue and clean sheets.

Love is opening your memory box and found the perfect picture frame from your buddy, hidden notes and all.

Above all, love is beyond the capacity of words..

But like all good wives, I'm showing you one of my biggest loves here - hubz, with genuine smiles from both of us.

PS: This was also the picture I mentioned two posts earlier, which reminded me how much I love photos captured from years back.

Have you figured out the love that make your life, peeps?

With love..

Be happy, stay happy

Something came through my email today. Something that is so simple yet we always forget. Something that is so true, it made me smile.

Listen to/ Read these and see if you've checked off as many as I did.

• Walk for 10-30 mins everyday, smiling.
• Sit quietly for 10 mins everyday, in isolation if necessary.
• First thing upon waking up, say "My goal today is..."
• Before going to sleep, say "Today, I'm thankful for..."
• Live with the 3Es: Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
• Play more games than last year.
• Read more books than last year.
• Learn something new everyday.
• Look at the sky at least once a day, marvel at the majestic world surrounding us.
• Dream more while awake.
• Eat more natural foods.
• Drink green tea, plenty of water and a glass of red wine each day and toast to something beautiful in life.
• Try to make 3 people laugh everyday; and make everyone you meet smile.
• Invest your energy in the positive present, not rumours.
• Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
• Eliminate clutter in the home, the car and the office.
• Don't let an opportunity pass to hug a friend.
• Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
• It is not necessary to win every argument.
• Make peace with your past, so as not to ruin your present.
• You are the only one responsible for your happiness.
• Appreciate your body in all its' glory.
• Reject everything that is not useful, amusing or beautiful.
• Don't lose time; we already have everything else that we need.
• Have fantastic sex.
• Phone your family just to let them know you're thinking of them.
• Enjoy the voyage of life.

I've done alright. I guess lastly, but not least, the Missy just wants you to know: "Life is too short to not enjoy every moment of it."

If you have something you would like to add on to the list, holla here!

xxo

Four months later..

.. and Missy is back on her desk, well.. on her dining table to be precise, since there's no said desk for her computer in this new place yet. The computer itself was set up only three days back, so yay to finally finding sanity in the virtual world.

Here I am, sitting on a fluffed pillow on the floor, trying to reconnect with all of the world while nursing my left leg which had gone totally numb and cramped. But don't you worry about that. How are you all?

Since I've left this space, I've spent a scorching month in my hometown, Malaysia, celebrating Chinese New Year with family and friends, and God knows I can never have enough of that. The company, the sun, the food, the laughter and all. Then we packed our luggages and off we flew to Oslo, my home-to-be. Thus began my goodbye to great weather..

:) It wasn't as bad as it sounds. Oslo has a lot for me to smile for, only I miss my home in Melbourne and Malaysia. Still, I wake up every morning with hubz by my side (and yes, I still get my morning kisses) and that alone can make me smile for the next 10 years. Also, we've been getting longer and brighter days, and you know how a good bright day makes me feel, right?

Today, we woke up to snow. In May, people. But instead of feeling like a trash bag full of crap, I actually feel damn well. Which was why I remembered to sneak back into this blog and conjure something out of nothing but pure delight. That, and to pretend that I never left this blog for *gasp* four long months. Can I blame it on jetlag?

I was sorting our old pictures last week and I stumbled upon one of our first snaps, hubz and I. (PS: I would have totally posted it here but somehow blogspot had gone awry on me) It was April, 2005: has it been 5 years already? We looked young and carefree (and skinny, goddamnit!). Part of me missed that; the constant hugging like we can't breathe if we don't have our bodies twined together, the numerous coffee and movie dates, and the faces that are free from stress wrinkles. But, of course, being the Missy, I love it better now.

Because now, we each have a soul-mate. And even though this particular soul-mate of mine always leaves his half-drank cup/glass everywhere around the house except for its rightful place in the sink (hence my wrinkle), I love him. And because I love him, I know that I will come to feel Oslo as my home in no time.

As for the people and things that I miss, it's deep in my heart for eternity.

Val, my lp, I have come to realize that the things we do together in Melbourne, we didn't do it often enough. I've missed you greatly. I can give up muffin for two years just to spend one day with you right now.

My babe, Chloe, I love and miss you a long, long time. You'd know exactly how I feel so don't make me cry by writing all those mushy stuff.

Mum, Dad, Tom and Le, it hurts not to be able to see and hug you all everyday. I miss even the simple fact that we were together in the same room doing our own things..

South Yarra, Toorak, Melbourne, you won't know how I think about you every night before I fall asleep. I don't think we can ever forget you. You were our first home.

Sutera Mall, JB, Malaysia, you really suck as a shopping mall but I missed you the most. If I have a free day with Doraemon's magic door, I would first pull Le, my sis, out from whereever she is and we would go to you for a crazy, mundane day.

Sun-tanning, OMG I think I have to cry again.

There's really a lot that I can't let go yet. But I know things will be right again. They always do. Meantime, take my word for it - The Missy never stopped thinking and missing..

Crossing oceans.

I know that I've known for a long time. And had also readied myself for knowing that. But as days creep nearer, my heart messes me up.



It's too soon before we fly, leaving this country that I call "second home". Melbourne had been good, even great if you take lattes into account, but I guess it's really time to leave. I'll miss you, but I want to know what's in store for me across the seas. New life, new responsibility, maybe a newborn.



You know, I thought I can leave everything behind like a suave lover. "It's good while it lasted, but it's time to move on. Honey, we're over." I'll then pass a napkin for her to dab on the corner of her eyes and plant a kiss on her forehead before turning away, hands in pocket. I thought I can.



But lately, as I stand in front of my door, just before turning the keys, my heart ached. I miss you already, home. And not only that, I'll miss those ridiculous-early breakfast by my kitchen bench, miss the temperamental weather that wrecked us up, miss the number 8 tram that took us to dates, miss the girls and boys that I don't even know when would be the next time we meet; yes, I think it'll take a little more than goodbye to bid farewell this time.



A mere two weeks left and I'll officially remove all traces that I've ever been in Melbourne for the past 7 years. All that's left are memories, which in faith, shall be kept intact. Hereforth, the updates you see from missy will be from another land, no longer musings at dawn in my little home in Melbourne. I thank you all deeply for patiently following my footsteps the years past. I shall hopefully recreate familiarities when I'm settled in my new home.



So, patience, the missy asks again; patience for her holla from Oslo.

Forgiving Ararat - My Current Obsession

In between the craze of relocating (and entertaining family from afar), I took some time off to read. Yes, I'm addicted like that. Addicted, and can't do without some intellectual debate or at least a question that sparks a thousand explanations. 

Reading gives me that.

Which is why I'm here this sunny afternoon - with a cup of coffee, albeit instant - hoping to jot down a good read that I want to immortalize in my own sphere.

For anyone who loves an intelligent read speckled with vivid imagination; one that will leave you pondering and questioning long after the last pages, I'd say pick up Forgiving Ararat by first time novelist Gita Nazareth.

As the title suggests, this novel is about forgiveness. Forgiving the wrong and right; the friend and foe; the love and justice; and most importantly, forgiving oneself.

Although the story starts when Brek’s life ended, (not unlike The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold whose MC was also a dead 14-year old) this novel is full of the precious aspects that make up life. By delving into her past life, Brek discovers many lives before hers that intertwined with her own, the branch of history that determined her life, or rather, death. Here, Nazareth cleverly blurs the line between dream, life and death; and leaves one to question if these realms might not be so different afterall.

The novel is heavy with issues on war, religion, politics, law and history. It would have been a dread to read if not for Nazareth’s smart and playful choice of words. It is fascinating how she engages readers through the significant subjects and touches us with beauty, sadness and forgiveness.

This novel is a collection of stories from different people. Each life brings with it the beautiful, the injustice and ultimately seeks the forgiveness that they deserve. Each life affects readers as they read, creating a bigger and complete picture, that is, the life as we know it. During the course of a lifetime, we’ve met and bonded with numerous people and created our own stories. By taking a step back, one will see how many lives they have touched, hurt and changed.

Nazareth also mocks the religion as an intellectual and challenges the possibility of anyone who would actually know what happened years before even the great ancestors were born? In opening our eyes and mind, Nazareth allows us to accept how different each of our perspectives is.

Furthermore, by using death as a platform (one that I loved if you realised), Nazareth strengthens her idea of forgiveness. For nothing else matters in death except forgiveness. No matter what wrong and bad a man has done, as long as one is willing to look through the man’s eyes, one will always see reason and learn to forgive.

Overall, this is a highly personal and evolving book. If you're interested to know more, check out their website. Or better yet, join the discussion between Forgiving Ararat and The Lovely Bones online.

I need more books with similar premises. Any recommendation, my lovelies? 

Souvenirs for all..

Ok, so the couple just got back from traveling, and what a travel it was!

It was a fun trip. Long and tiring, yes, but fun nonetheless. I used to have this beautiful dream of traveling the world round, but after a straight flight of 16 hours or so, my bum did not quite agree. And it did not stop just there.

Our journey: Melbourne - Singapore - Amsterdam - Oslo (- London - Paris - London) - Amsterdam - Manila - Sydney - Melbourne 

Hour count: 8hrs - 16hrs - 2hrs ( 2hrs - 2hrs) - 2hrs - 10hrs - 10hrs - *blackout

I may do that again, but definitely with the aid of either sleeping pills or knockout pills.

Well, on a much happier note, I've brought home a little piece of each destination we went. I know, you're most welcome ;)

But, before you think you'll get the whole ramble about the month-long trip (which will probably take about 72 days and 98 minutes), warm up with these teasers instead..

It's good to be back. *kisses for all

He tapped my shoulder at lunch.

I was finishing my lunch with a cup of skinny latte. My half-read book lay open in the sun.

Just as I was turning the page, a shadow loomed across the table. I looked up, right into the most gentle and addictive grey eyes.

"Are you reading that book?" he asked.

"Obviously," was the reply before I stopped myself.

"I've read his first book, and I reckon it was his best publication yet."

"Is that so.." This is getting nowhere. Awkward.

"I went out with his girlfriend before. Back in London."

My brows were raised behind my big shades, but I promptly nodded my head politely.

"I really loved his first book. But his girlfriend, well his ex, told me all these stories about how he's a pig, how he treated all the women he's been with. And I couldn't see him the same way again. It's just funny how his work shines through with integrity and great philosophy, yet in real life, he's a scum."

"Well, you wouldn't have known all that if you didn't go out with his girlfriend, anyway." I sometimes like to make things difficult for myself, I know.

He flashed a genuine smile. And I thought to myself; if he wasn't such a pig himself, I'd actually think of him as a very attractive old man.

"Well, enjoy reading. Have a good evening," he finished. As he turned behind me to leave, he squeezed my shoulder. 

"You have a great day too," I chirped.

I smiled to myself and turned to steal a glance. He sat two tables away, facing me, grinning and sipping a bottle of Coke.

Your heart will take you home.

My day today can only be described by one word: aimless. But it's also those nothingness that I came to this post.

You see, it was a beautiful Sunday after weeks of cold numbs and hot chocolate inhouse. I started the day like how I would on any of my days off lately; I enjoyed my breakfast toast by the window sill, staring at nothing. And then, the sun came. A nice glow warmed my skin. "Finally," I thought.

I got up, changed and ventured out. But the thing is, I have nowhere in particular that I wanted to go, nor anything that I wanted to do. All I know was I needed to get out. I let my heart lead the way. 

How so, you ask?

I don't really know. I just kept walking without thinking (I can prove that by almost stumbling over my own feet in front of a restaurant full of diners, and poodles). I walked on, aimlessly, until I reached this little cafe called Picnic. I've never seen it before, even though it's on the same street where I live, only at opposite ends. I went in, simply because my heart said so.

Ok, so I don't do this all the time. Having no expectations, no plans, and no worries. But I must admit, it's fresh. You'll be amazed to see what you'd actually do, see and feel.

Back to Picnic, it was a quirky cafe with a weird choice of furnishing; benches, round plastic tables, wooden furniture, avant-garde, mirrors, cage, bookshelf, and aloof staff. The table that I chose was shaky, its legs see-sawing on the uneven pathway; hardly lovely, highly amusing. The berry-lime teacake was cold and hard, but the lime was zesty which made my heart flutter. Latte was too bland for my taste, but the barista made a beautiful vine design for me. The novel I just started bored me to death, but I picked up words that made me smile. It was still a beautiful day.

I did not think today, I just followed my heart's whim. On my way to the cashier, I saw an old lady with her grandson. She wore a lime green sweater, I remember. And just like that I paid for that table. I would have written a card if I came prepared, but I didn't.

"If I have somehow brought you a smile, please pass on the blessing and make another one smile," is what I would have written. I can only wonder what happened after I left the cafe. I'm sure such thing won't happen too often, but I'm glad I did it once. All because my heart did the leading today.

Also because I did not question, I passed by the roast shop and actually went in for a half pack of char siew, sweet bbq roast pork. I wonder why. And no shit, I really wondered all the way home. 

Once home, though, all became too clear. I promptly brought out the pastry sheets and baked some char siew puffs. But the thing is, I DON'T eat char siew. Weird. So, like how all things will go right eventually, I mashed some tuna, sprinkled some lemon and pepper and added chopped chillies. The spicy tuna puffs came out gloriously good.

Now, I'm sitting here, typing this aimless post. It made me smile; and that's how I will describe this Sunday now. 

Knock, knock. I'm here.

It's been a good 1 and a half months since this blog was unjustly neglected. But hey, I do come in for a caress every now and then, but that wouldn't have counted, would it?

Truth is, Missy suffered a major breakdown. Because pressures are swamping in truckloadfuls, from all directions and at the speed of Holy Light. So then, while trying to cope, I burst a vein and sought solace in the grim company of robed masters, white angels and a thousand kinds of pills. This blog is the first thing I come home to since I've earned back my sanity.

All that, of course, never happened. Did I hear a sigh of relief? Or maybe that's cursing..

At least now we know missing a few blog posts ain't suicidal afterall.

What really did happen the past month was;

1. Adding new babies to the family. And a couple of snails. One black, one yellow, if you must know.
2. Spending quality love with Baby Hubz during his Easter break. He fell sick, that poor baby. So I cooked up a stormy love of congee, clear soups, noodle soups, pork&chives puffs and papaya toasts (this one was just for me, btw).
3. Planning our pending retirement. No, just kidding, but that sure cheered me up!! We planned for our much anticipated trip to Norway in July. He hadn't been home for 5 years; I can see the longing in his eyes. And me, I'm just having mixed, albeit very powerful, feelings.
4. Talking, and seriously talking, about having a baby. Not the swimming kind, but the crying kind. Yeah, the give-me-what-I-want-or-I'll-cry kind, the NO-I-don't-want-to-eat-veges kind, and I think, the Momm-Dad-I-love-you kind. *blush. We're counting down to 2 or 3 years now.
5. The career change is taking off.
6. I missed spicy food. REAL spicy.
7. I spent most of my time on Twitter.
8. I bawled uncontrollaby because I couldn't fit in my jeans. Then comforted myself with chocolate brownie slice.

I'm sure those weren't the only thing that happened, but they'll do for now. Cos, you know.. the Missy's hungry again..

Good Morning, Melbourne

.. and good night to some parts of the world.

It's a beautiful morning today, albeit not your picture perfect sunny morning. It's a tad murky grey at 15deg  when I first looked outside my window at 7.30am. Add to that little pools of overnight puddles, soft dew from the branches and of course, a breeze of sweet, smokey rain. It's beautiful.

Perhaps we all need days like this to fully appreciate your days off and stay ins. 

And the mere fact of being alive..

News came through from ABC last night; Earthquake shook suburban Melbourne. 

I was still at work in the city and felt absolutely nothing. But then again, huge trucks pass by us all the time and it was just a little laneway, we might have not noticed. To think that the closest suburb that got hit was Brunswick, which by the way is just a 15min tram drive away.

The last Quake that shook Victoria was in Dec 1999, with no felt reports nor injury. This time, all across Frankston, Knoxfield, Lang Lang, Caulfield North and Yarra Junction have felt tremors. Not to mention the Reservoir and Brunswick too.

With the current bushfire taking its toll on residents and saviours, I pray, hard and sincere for all who's affected; Be strong, stay strong. And may we all see peace and serenity soon.

All this talk reminded me of this that happened back in 2004. It was a devastated period because we were SO CLOSE. All the what-ifs..

But all things said, and I'll say it again; treasure the loved ones around. Don't wait for a special event or occasion to say I-love-you. Say it loud and proud every moment, and say it true. Take each day as a gift to be with them, because really, you don't know when will be the last. But when that day comes, you will have no regrets knowing that your loved ones know that you love them..

What do you do when you're alone at home?

I cry.