That Son-of-an-English-Ass-Hat

Seeing that I work, and write, for an English publication, I will be, and not surprisingly, writing about language. An issue almost ALL at work has issues with.

Ok, I'm trying not to be pedantic, or even plain bitch-ish here, but those mini skirt-clad young ladies in Singapore have GOT to learn how to speak English fit for hearing.

Now, now.. it'd be highly unfair to standardize the whole nation by saying their English sucks, because they're not. In fact, if to be compared the standard of English to Malaysia, they win.. no questions asked. Then, WHY the statement, I hear you ask?

Precisely because of their considerable high standard of the English language that I felt appalled at how badly they underuse it.

Baby C and I made a trip to the petite island sometime ago and, while happily walking along one street, we were stopped by this teenage girl wearing school uniform, hoping we could help do a survey.

Disregarding her insanely raised pitch of a voice, we'd gladly do so, if only we understood this:

Girl: @#$%^.. sorrrrrryyy to botherrrr... I want !$%%^&*((&^%$ help, help, help, help me pleaseeeeeeeeeee... this #$$%^&&^%$$$%^&&*()(&^%$ please, please, #$%^*^^($*$&%&^*$ about $%^^^&*$(% lah, please, please, please!! $%^*()()((*****&^^^%^&%%$ not long time, please, please, please lahhhhhhhhhhh (voice pitch steadily raises with duration) (IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT STREET)

Baby C and I: *blink blink* *frown* ... I'm sorry, what???

Repeat the essence of above conversation for about 4 minutes, and we have the girl stomping away and us wide-eyed-looking at each other, eyebrow raised.

And I wonder where the hell did our little walk went wrong?!

That said, the son-of-an-English-ass-hat award goes to her, who was totally capable to speak decent English, yet had high-pitchedly deprived me the pleasure of hearing it.