Surprise! I'm Home!

At the stroke of midnight, 18th February 2007, I arrived home in my little town in Malaysia, heaving a little luggage, my backpack and my laptop. Might I add, at the exact moment, people started putting up an excellent showcase of fireworks to usher in the brand new Year of the Boar.

So, it was with a dramatic background of shimmering greens, blues, yellows, reds, purples that I arrived home.

I rang the bell. Once. Twice.

And a tiny head popped up from the windows, peering suspiciously, unable to comprehend who the hell would be this eager to offer some new year greetings.

Dad opened the door and continued peering as I strolled, nonchalant, into the courtyard.

He continued peering, then eyes brightened with enough glaze to coat about twenty dozen doughnuts.

Oh!!! My daughter!! Aiya... my daughter!! How come you're back?!

The commotion then brought my brother and sister down from whatever they were doing upstairs. They both had their eyes wide and mouth open.

I, of course, smirked chirpily, enjoying every second of their reaction.

We hugged each other, then more commotion.

Oh my! When did you plan this? Cheeky ah.. oh my!

This, then, brought Mum down from whatever she was doing upstairs.

She shrieked. Aiyo!!! You're back!! My daughter! Really surprised us huh. Did everybody know already? Am I the last one to know? Aiyoo...

No one knew, Mum. No one. I swear I couldn't stop that bloody smirk on my face.

But, what wouldn't I give to relive those precious moments? :) To truly feel accepted and wanted whenever, wherever. I love you, my family, and Happy Chinese New Year.

I Have Plagiarized...

There's a lot of things that I want to do. A lot. Some may think it's weird and stupid - the stuff I'm thinking. While some say it's extraordinary. The more polite ones would say they're amazing. Among the list of stuff that I've been wanting to do:

• Dress up as old women/ men. And see how many actually help me when I fall down in the middle of the road.
• Watch tigers mate. And see if they turn me on more than human sex.
• Start travelling around the world by begging money from streets. And see if I'll succeed.
• Create so many identities that I virtually forgot who I really am. And see if I can find my way "home".
• Plagiarize on the net. And see how long they actually take to track me down.
• Fall down a long flight of stairs. And see how I can keep my knee bruise-free.
• Attempt to die. And see how the near-death experience feels like, or maybe just see if I die and if I know I've died.
• Tell a lie so often. And see it transform into plain truth.
• Be a friend to someone I hate. And see if I eventually befriend her or really just plot for her death.
• Escape from everything to start a new life as a new person. And see if I can be a world-known escaper.
• Break an arm. And see if faith will help it grow.
• Make known the fact that I'm so hooked on women. And see if I can be a playgirl among the girls.
• Go to hell. And see if I can actually get a tan from fires.

Sigh.. and I hate to think that I might not be able to accomplish all of these.

Goodbye for now. Missy Allets is slowly sinking back to the comfort of depression.

The Vivid Sphere [1]

I was a little boy the age of probably 8. A sudden storm one night woke me up, and I found myself travelling, by that I meant swimming and drifting in the ocean, all alone, to the other side of the world; the land of the enemy; the United Kingdom. I arrived in broad daylight, in the bustle of a sea-side town, and I'm now a fully grown woman. I had a task.

To lure the big boys of USA's most wanted underworld wrestler syndicate to UK with my own life as the gamble.

I have all the local help and advice I needed but it was tough acting on the sly. The big boys seem to know just about our every move and decision. Our only triumph was a little secret town underground, which we seek refuge when things get too dirty.

It was an Indian town. With campfires and dried straws. It wasn't comfortable, but it was safe. We used the town to devise strategies, design invitations, and engage in some good company entertainment.

Everything was going according to our plan and we were just awaiting the right time to come. One chilly night, I climbed up the steep wooden planks to finally breathe fresh Earth and sea.

Here I am. A woman all by herself, in the lands of the enemies, no less. Working hand in hand with the enemies against men of her own country, who're coincidentally trying to get their hands on her. It doesn't make sense. But then again, nothing does.

Stifled footsteps woke me to my senses. I glanced quickly. There were movements. I dodged back under the hidden table, lifted the patch of grass, and within seconds was back in the hidden world, heart thumping wildly.

They're coming.

The world was swirling before my eyes. Everything was a blurry blend of everything. Thunder struck, and it began to pour. Heavier and heavier the water fell. On my forehead, dribbling down my cheeks to my chin, falling on my chest, soaking my loosely buttoned shirt and soaking my entire being. I was desperately flailing my arms, alone, in the ocean, once again.

Something thick and heavy hit me on the back of my head. I was losing consciousness. I felt myself being pushed into a package. Everything turned dark.

The storm calmed and I was floating along slowly.

A voice shouted, "Look, someone's out there!"

A group of men came to retrieve me from the waters. "Who could have done such a thing?"

They opened the seal of the package and I tumbled out, a little boy about the age of 8.

Find out if Missy Allets is a female

My all-time favourite question to ask myself. Am I a girl?

And my good ol' random search for good blogs has ended up with me chancing upon this really girly blog, Princess S. With a set of 50 "girly" questions (taken word for word). Good! Now let's find out, shall we?

Ooh Missy Allets in total anticipation..

Do you straighten your hair everyday?

Nadaa.. it's good enough if I even comb it. Usually just good finger-brushing.

Do You Worry About The Size Of Your Boobs?

No, I gave up on them.

What's your favorite girly magazine?

Ok, this is embarassing. I WRITE for a magazine, yet never read one. Fine, shoot me!

Would you kill for chocolate?

Probably once in 7 years.

Jeans or skirts?

It's so jeans.

Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortable?

Heels, yes. Yea mate, some feminine touch, finally!

Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?

No. For myself, yes.

Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?

Ah, yes. Especially if it involves people dying.

Would you leave the house without makeup on?

Yeah. Seriously, make-up just to throw rubbish??? Get a life, girls!

Do you consider making out "unladylike"?

It is soo totally lady. Sensual and smooth, how unladylike can that be?

On a scale of 1-10, how fun is shopping?

Ok, listen up. 0.

Are you a girly-girl, tomboy, or in the middle?

I think I'm a fuck shit.

Do you think lipgloss is the best?

Uhh, for...? Maybe just pure woman's lips are fine.

Do you HAVE to have a boyfriend at all times?

Oh no. No no.. not at all.

Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?

Not a chance.

Do you obsess over your looks?

Yea, am I looking too obviously? Did she see me staring at her?

Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school/work?

Used to.

Accessories make the outfit; true or false?

True: Watch.

Are you a sucker for skater guys?

Hell no.

Is pink truely the best color in the entire universe?

NOOOO...

Lip gloss a must?

We've been through this before. Not over two thin lines of skin, no.

Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?

No. To impress girls, maybe.

Do you often wish there was something you could manage?

Yes. Household chores. I call them chores for a reason.

Gold or silver?

Platinum, please.

The guy/girl that you like/love/whatever, what does his name start with?

Baby C. C :)

Do you dress up too much for holidays?

Holidays is when I give the wardrobe my utmost neglect. So, no.

Do you like wearing dresses?

Surprisingly, yes, I'm starting to.

Do you write a lot of mushy love poems?

No. I dictate sadness and depression.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do guys confuse you?

Again. 0. Or, probably 1: Why can't you do dishes, my masculine counterpart?

Do you worry/fuss about your weight?

Concerned. Hence, take good care.

What makeup product could you NOT live without?

This is for the party-pumpin side of Missy Allets. Mascara, concealer, blush. Looking ghostly against the night, not cool, people.

There we go. How did Missy Allets score? Scroll back.. one or two girly touch, good. A tad off-track here, there.. here again... ok, screw it.

I Get The Worry Bugs Too

February the 8th now.

It's our one-year-and-10-month anniversary. Exactly 2 months from now before we reach the 2 years benchmark.

Yes, I'm very excited. But no, I have yet to come up with anything interesting.

That, plus the fact that Valentine's is just a week away. Oh dear! Oh dear!

I used to be a hopeless romantic. Surprising him in every other way that few can think of. Him, on the contrary, is nothing of the sort. Almost direct opposite, I'd say.

So, needless to say, even the fire will burn out if no one stirs the woods. About a year after we went out, my creativity slowly fade. Not yet dead... just slowly fading.

And that's when guilt creeps, eating me out, leaving me all vulnerable to threats and bloodshed. Just saying...

So, what do I do? What do I do?

Maybe I should just attack him or something? You know, not too serious, but serious enough to get him to hospital. Then, I can be all submissive and tend to him like a dear little mistress. Plus, it'll be a totally unique Valentine's experience. What you all think?

*sigh...

Not that good an idea, I see.

Ah well, I'm off to do some creative thinking. If mine sucks, I'd still love to wish you all out there a divine celebration ;)

Ciao, now.

Time To Get Down To It

The month of February means the preparation for the March issue. Aside from being the too-much-acclaimed month of Valentine's, of course.

Some last minute screws meant that I had to step in and conjure an article in as fast as I can get my used-up brain to think and my stumpy hands to type. And in accordance to March, all I can think of was the abso-fuckin-lutely finger lickin' Mardi Gras celebration in Sydney.

No, I won't be able to make it.

And yes, I'm cursing the heck out of myself as time passes.

So, yes, homosexuality - a topic that never ceases to amuse/ amaze me.

Within an hour, this was what I sent to fellow editors. Unedited. Yet.

When Sally met Sally… - who cares about Harry

M – Recommended for mature readers

From my own beliefs, 75% of the female species strutting the Earth are somehow in one way or another open to homosexuality or, in the mildest view, know that heterosexual tradition is not the ultimate it.

Gone were the days when a woman needs to “reunite” with a man. Much more gone were the days when women are thought to stay in the kitchen while men plough the soil and screw the cows *ahem, sorry.

When women strive for equality, women strive for equality. Meaning, in the quest for a partner, women look for the same status, same physique, same mentality, and needless to say, why not same gender. And, believe it or not, they generally turn out to be more satisfying than a hetero-relationship.

MA: What made you first realize you’re a lesbian, or bi, for that matter? IAS: When my heart skips a beat whenever this girlfriend of mine comes into class, much less to say about me wetting the panties.

MA: So, the physical attraction is there right at the beginning? IAS: Yes. Unlike a girl-boy relationship, a same-sex attraction usually begins with an urge to get her to bed. Then, slowly comes the understanding of her personality and character.

MA: Wouldn’t that equate to plain lust? IAS: Oh, yes. Lesbians are among the most sexually active creatures to ever exist. That said, we are not JUST after sex. There’s, of course, the want-to-get-to-know-you-better stage. And usually, lesbian partners prove to be much more of a listener and comforter.

MA: Not a single doubt. But, what happens when you girls have an argument, you know, both strong-headed and unreasonable? IAS: Well, what happens when a guy has an argument with his girlfriend and he happens to be strong-headed and unreasonable? Same shit, really.

MA: What’s better about being in a same-sex relationship than a hetero? IAS: You’re a woman, she’s a woman. Both unpredictable and unreasonable. There’s the balance.

Lower the chances of being called an ungrateful taker who only cares about sex and footie, I suppose.

Like all relationships, I strongly believe that it is not queer. It merely involves two beings liking one another (at the first stage), developing a deeper emotional understanding (usually the second stage), and gone on to an I-need-to-have-you-right-this-instant physical intimacy (which more often than not, is not the final stage – unlike hetero-relationships).



- Missy Allets

IAS: I am she.

And happily in a relationship with a 110% hetero-guy.

The Monday Just Passed

Oh, time.. how it flies when you're enjoying it. True for some. Not quite true for me. Another day has yet passed us by. And what had Missy Allets achieved today? Let's see..

• 8am: Monday morning, she slept.
• 12pm: she got woken up by a darn call from Boss.
• 12.15pm: she can't get back to sleep.
• 12.30pm: she got out of bed, turned on her computer, and started to work.
• 12.32pm: not in the mood for work.
• 1pm: watched Lost with Baby C in bed.
• 5.15pm: fooled around. In bed.
• 6pm: napped, happily hugged by Baby C.
• 7pm: dinner. TV.
• 11.30pm: out for supper with Boss. (More work)
• 3.33am: finished chatting with her chum in UK and decided maybe it's time to work.
• 3.34am: decided against it.
• 3.35am: started blogging.

Life can be so interesting. A Monday life, no less!

And I totally mean it like I say it. I'm no whiner, and I do appreciate what I have now. When things get a little rough, I know that there are more ways things can get worse. Guess it's about time to make things a little clearer.

Missy Allets was born in Malaysia. She's a Chinese born in the wrong end of the world. That said, do NOT misinterpret that as a dissatisfaction on her or anyone's part; or conjure possibilities of bad family values, ties or whatever along the same line. She loves her family of five: Dad, Mum, Brother, herself and Sister. And she has been brought up the true Asian-Chinese way, owing largely to Mum who's been the strict enforcer in her life (one who came up with a no-sex-before-marriage-policy), and Dad who's been the constant clown of de-stressing throughout her teenage struggle; moulding her into the way she is today. *you can take that either way, cos it's not like I give a fuck anyway.

She travelled alone for the first time at the ripe age of 18 to a country of sheilas and her mates, a country where one coos the roos to sleep while drinking a VB, a country which she thought was a brand new start, a country which forces her to grow up and learn the harsh way, a country that was her camp while she tried to figure out the whole deal about sexuality, her sexuality, a country where she felt the bitter cold of winter first time ever, a country everyone knows as Australia.

She has never regretted a moment. Good or disastrous, she was glad these things came her way. She finished three years at the University of Melbourne doing Arts. She made new friends, she met one of her best friends now, her heart was broken, her life was completed.

For half a year after graduation, she indulged in the loving arms of her family back home while working in a kick-ass advertising firm. Next thing we know, she quit her job and came back to the loving embrace of Baby C again.

She is now basking in bliss, as her best chum had put it. Working* for a publication as the co-editor, online advertising correspondence, and whatever little tasks you can think of. It's not bringing in the dough but she's contented living with Baby C and staring into his eyes for the rest of her life. But, of course, she's just saying for the sake of saying it. She wants to work a full-time soon, and get back to corporate slavery. Maybe that turns her on, no one knows.

In the world of Missy Allets, no one knows anything. Not even herself. One very good advice is: she lives by the second, so just take her word as it comes. You don't even have to make sense of it.

Spontaneity.

After a positively self-banter, I have come to realize, that it's the nothingness that I have achieved this Monday. The nothingness that's choked full of words and thoughts.

See you soon.

A Little Bit More

A nice day to start.

So let's just dedicate this one to getting to know each other more. (IF you drop something in that little box as well).

Missy Allets likes:

pregnant ladies.

toned arms.

a dimple, on the right side of cheek.

soy chai latte in a big mug.

bread&butter pudding/ sticky date pudding.

holidays/ vacations/ getaways. travels.

by herself or with her love, Baby C.

barren trees.

words. words. definitely more words.

wooden chessboards.

an email on a rainy day.

a kiss on her forehead.

ladies in very short crop. with a sharp jawline.

natural tan.

the extraordinary.

dinner. good dinner.

Audrey Hepburn.

*Did I just say Audrey Hepburn?

**Yep, I totally meant Audrey Hepburn. Excuse me for a bit, I almost wet myself thinking..

thinking. philosophy. psychology.

creativity.

twins.

rnbs.

queers: gays. lesbians.

2 1/2-inch heels.

hair on men's arms.

hugs. tight and sincere ones.

falling asleep, tucked under the doona.

wholemeal, multigrain muffins with chopped dried sultanas, almonds and macadamia.

forks.

salsa dance.

breasts.

women's bodies wrapped in low-cut, snug-fit dress. wearing 2 1/2-inch heels.

Ok, this is getting longer than necessary. Let's move on.

Missy Allets dislikes:

two-faced persons.

the name "Patricia".

awkward silence.

bad hair day.

bad time management.

snobs.

rich snobs.

being told what to do.

being told off.

being told the norm. being told the accepted.

last minute changes.

not kissing Baby C.

hunger.

another day of idle.

too much work.

horror movies.

coriander.

These are items fit for the very general stuff. But, I'm sure we can get in depth more in the near future ;)

Till then, allow me to kiss goodnight

*muah

The Final Beginning

3rd February 2007 After like 2 years of struggle, I have succumbed to the mass bloggers' choice of blogging. So, here I am. Missy Allets - a woman who don't wanna be so, but starting to. As enigmatic as the disappearing lines on your skin. So, just read, don't figure. I have weird dreams. And I suppose that was one of the main reasons why I'm here - to transform this page upon page of blankness into dream-filled fantasialand, so to speak. More to come. We'll let the words do the introduction, and we'll let them do it well.