What defines a 'friend'?

"Friend" - what does it mean, really?

I have been keeping myself happy, or trying to anyway, these past months. And may I say I've done a bloody good job! I've learnt to look at things in a brighter and more desirable light, as opposed to the image of a broken bulb, that is.

I'm still learning. It never was easy.

I remember I once said to an acquaintance, years back, over bottles glasses of Riccadonna and slices of greasy pizzas, 2am in a street side cafe.

In my vocabulary, there's no such a thing as 'friend'. There's only acquaintance, or your best mate; and the line between is too thin to accommodate 'friends'.

Today, out of the blue, I thought about this notion of mine, years back.

4.22am. Wide awake, lying on my side. Thousands of thoughts pushing through with rush hour tickets. I wanted to sleep, I really did. But it wasn't a luxury I can afford lately.

So, back to 'friend', maybe it was the process of growing up, or maybe it was just darn tired of being pushed around, OR MAYBE I was just mad at myself for being the easy target to be pushed around; I'm back to declaring, NO, I have NO friends.

Only because those whom I hold dear to my heart are NOT friends. They are my soul. And because those whose existence I couldn't care any lesser, well then.. I really can't be fucked.

Life is still beautiful. Don't blame me, honey, I'm just a bursting bubble trying my very best to recreate the protective sheen that is as fragile as myself.